*Carlos Ann-Mapa Mental (Album Recap)

El mas reciente disco de Carlos Ann (Mapa Mental, 2018), es fácilmente uno de mis discos favoritos de lo que va de este año. Carlos es uno de esos músicos que se podria incluir en la lista de los artistas que son parte del movimiento Rock Indie en Español. Carlos es un músico con un estilo muy peculiar y en este disco podemos disfrutar de ese estilo surrealista rockero que muy pocos pueden lograr de una manera orgánica y  honesta. Este es un disco super corto con solo 8 canciones pero con mucho sentimiento y poderío musical, con un toque experimental muy interesante, tiene una duración de 34 minutos. Lo recomiendo muchísimo.

Track List:

1.París Aísa, Barcelona, Calella: Un tema con una instrumentacion interesante, es una excelente introducción al resto del disco. “De norte a sur repasando mi historia no es original, pero es la mia y la vivo como algo perverso soy un marqués desheredado.”

2. Las Hormigas Enloquecen: Probablemente mi canción favorita del disco. “El sol en la terraza, mi madre cantando Mientras hacia la… comida / Quizás escribo para no leer Camino sin rumbo para no… regresar / Siento que mi alma está cansada De comprenderme-la entiendo.”

3. La Prision No Nos salvo: Aparte de la letra, la bateria es la protagonista de esta canción. “El tiempo ya no es sincero, No deja las cosas en su sitio, Es un viejo desordenado.”

4. Arthur Cravan feat. Abraham Boba: Esta canción poco a poco se esta convirtiendo en una de mis favoritas de este disco. Tiene un aire a Pink Floyd y Bowie “No me acuerdo de los nombres de las personas Los sonidos y olores son mi referencia Deslizándome por la vida, ya soy un hombre maduro.”

5. Berlin Feat. Shuarma: Sintetizadores, guitarra eléctrica, batería; esta es quizás la canción mas experimental del disco. “Empezábamos temprano como si algo se fuera a acabar,Gente extraña que entraba y salía sin preguntar, Decenas de copias de las llaves trafican por la ciudad.”

6. Nuestro Amor Fue Un Fracaso: Excelente tema, Me recuerda un poco a varias canciones de Calamaro (Honestidad Brutal).Paso la noche sin ti Nuestro amor fue un fracaso Y prefiero recordarlo Y no tengo nada mejor que hacer Que dar vueltas, por mi cabeza Y llegar hasta ti.”

7. Cientos: Esta canción tiene un feeling super trippy al estilo Pink Floyd. “Tus senos fueron mi refugio Dejé todo, fui a vivir a las montañas Como un exiliado que regresa a su tierra No tengo casa y no tengo nombre.”

8. Todo Es Para Bien feat. Alejandro Jodorowski: Este track es basicamente un poema envuelto en melodía, una manera super interesante de concluir un album tan original. “Poeta perseguido por cuarenta egos Creyendo ver la luz pero ciego En el peso de la carne En la logica del tonto.

*TRIGGER POINTS OF MY GRIEF

Those of us who have lost someone special to us know too well how severe grief can be, especially if it is someone significant like a parent or a spouse. Grief is defined as great pain or sorrow caused by someone’s death. In my case, everything causes pain; any activity or memory associated with my mother triggers so much grief and longing because just about everything reminds me of her. Suddenly, grief is making me grieve things I didn’t know I could grieve, like food, music, tv, films, and places.

This last one is particularly tough. Because even if I go to a place like Starbucks to get a cup of coffee, something mundane to most of you like grabbing a cup of coffee at Starbucks reminds me of my mother. It reminds me of our ritualistic weekends together, having coffee (mom would always have some type of iced coffee). I look around the coffee shop, and I see people sitting around chatting, working on their laptops, or just merely lounging away with some type of caffeine-infused beverage. I realize that mother and I would never ever share a caffeine-infused beverage together in Starbucks again. Something straightforward as that triggers grief, like you wouldn’t believe.

The other night I was flipping through channels and landed on HBO; they had the original Robocop (1987) movie playing. I was immediately riveted to the time when mom took me to the movie theater to watch Robocop together way back in 1987. So, needless to say, every time I make my way into a movie theater, the memories of our countless outings together to the movies immediately come to life, and I find myself back in time, reliving those moments all over again. Little things like that awaken an overwhelming sense of nostalgia and sadness. People always say stupid things like, “oh, your mother is there with you,” what a bunch of bullshit…..Of course, she is not.

Consolation phrases like those are useless and do not help make things better. The so-call “next world” is irrelevant to me, as I’m still in the early stages of the grieving process (and yes, two years is absolutely early in the grieving process); if you disagree, then you haven’t suffered this type of loss yet.

My only focus is this life, not the next. Although to better understand death, I spend a considerable amount of time reading, researching, studying subjects like; Life after death, near-death experiences, parallel universes, reincarnation, and a bunch of other esoteric, supernatural topics, but I still can’t wrap my head around her death, and this overwhelming need of having her here with me. Maybe I’m selfish, perhaps my way to grieve is different from how ordinary people grieve, but I’m not an average person, so I have my own personal unique approach to grieve. I don’t want to hear people say that due to her brain-aneurism, she was not going to be the same if she survived, but that is not the issue at hand. Did I want her to live while suffered living in a limited-vegetated state? Of course not. But this is my grief, not yours, and not anyone else’s. I was the one who watched her lay on that hospital bed, not responding; I was the one who watched her lay lifeless, kept alive by a machine while her brain no longer responded. I was the one who witnessed when she took her last breath and officially died. Nothing anyone says can provide me with any sort of comfort from that experience.

Ultimately grief is my enemy and, at the same time, is my ally. While it causes me deep pain, it also fuels me. Reality and my own personal logic do not work together, but it is my own individual logic, and while it may be absurd to some, it makes perfect sense to me. This journey through grief will be a long one; it will be with me for the duration of my existence in this realm; we call the “real world.” It will be an integral part of my life until I die and I get to the “next realm,” but my only concern, as I’ve stated earlier, is only this life, only this world, which is the only thing relevant to me right now.